Me: “You know, I’ve known about you and your exploits for like five years or so now, but I have one major question.”, Me: “Have you ever given any serious thought to doing something positive with your life?”, Me: “Dude, you’ve been doing it for over five years. Court's Disorder. We've all sung this song hundreds of times during our lives, but did you know that it is not in the public domain?… ALL STAR COMEDIAN SHAWN CLOWNS ON FOX'S CRISTINA'S COURT...A MUST SEE!! 3 Funny Stories for Halloween ~ the Spirits of Halloween, The Graveyard Ghouls and the Halloween Masked Ball: Great to see you here. I can no longer help you. Funny Story About Divorce ~ The Best Divorce She spent the first day sadly packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. Just this once. George sued the surgeon and was awarded “the difference in value between a 100 percent good hand… and a hairy hand.”. . I try my best to show her examples and work around the language barrier, but she doesn’t get any of it. Is funny like freid rice. My colleague couldn’t believe how stupid and careless the juror had been, and was gobsmacked by how much time and effort had now gone to waste, all because the defendant and juror decided to have a chat in a shop. The man claimed he’d meant to park for just a moment to go into a restaurant to bring his mother a glass of water (she was dehydrated, he explained). So, I read it in the hopes that there are instructions in it and that they are asking for her to bring a certain document, which I can then provide. This particular defendant is pleading “not guilty” on the basis of his own law code. When Arkady Frekhtman, founding partner of Frekhtman & Associates, had a personal injury case involving an injured young man, winning a big judgment hinged on the young man having a life expectancy of 87. Actually, these might just be the funniest lawyer jokes ever. Not only was the sign clear on that, but the woman said she typically parked legally in an adjacent spot. He declared a mistrial, held both the defendant and juror in contempt, and explained that now there would have to be a new trial with a new jury. I have the joy and honor of serving as the personal bailiff to one of the greatest judges I’ve ever had the chance to meet. She stands there for a minute, during which I pretend she isn’t there, until she finally shuffles away. I try suggesting she come back with a translator, but of course, she doesn’t seem to understand that, either. Man Gets Arrested For Creeping This Lady Out on a Bus. “Well, I know your boss, and he’s a real jerk,” the woman said sweetly. The taxi driver will have a fun story to tell his family after his shift! This took me one minute to read, and I laughed out loud 3 times. It turned out that on Thursday afternoon, before dismissing the court for the day, the judge had reminded the jury that Friday would be their big day, and that until then it would be PARTICULARLY important not to discuss the case with anyone — not colleagues, not friends, not even other jurors. It’s not valid.”. This means that it does happen, however rarely, that the justices are forced to preside over bullshit. Guilty as charged! Now Trending. So far so good… until his lawyer showed up. “Do you know any of his relatives,” Knight asked her. “Because a dumpster parked in that spot. I became very familiar with the young man well before I ever met him. Only in America! Mum: “Well, that’s not robins-egg blue paper, is it? He pulls out what appears to be a normal male appendage and starts to free urine into the cup. I have given you everything we can. Back to the Index of Best Funny Short Stories. So this week, we’d like to ask you: What are your funniest and weirdest stories … I take him into custody, glove up and take hold of the device he left sitting on the reporter’s bench, and take him to jail. provided Ozols and his team with videos, which went to an intern to review. I will tell the jail staff that charges are pending, but he is to be held on PC of probation violation. Well, he doesn’t test positive for weed. James Gray Robinson, a third generation trial attorney and self-proclaimed “cattle enthusiast,” was once hired by an insurance company to defend a farmer who was being sued for rear-ending a vehicle…with a bull, thus putting a whole new meaning to the notion of rear-ending. For example, one time a guy came in for a hearing on a parking ticket. The surgeon grafted skin from George’s chest onto his hand… except George had a hairy chest…so now he had a hairy hand as well. The judge is sitting in front of the window with his back to it, and I can see clearly everything going on behind him. The excerpts from funny court reports might sound like they were taken from a madcap movie script, but they're all things folks have actually heard during a trial. I have a colleague who was selected for jury service. Everyone could use a good laugh (and scientists say laughing makes you happier) so here you go . ... Court's Disorder Chinese Detective Chinese Wisdom Culture and meaning Definition of Politics ALMIGHTY GOD. The defendant and the lawyer have a quick chat. He got put in jail for a probation violation on one of his high-speed pursuits. Number 2: It is incredibly hard to get her on the phone, which for me is the best way to contact her as i … Funny Court Stories These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. follow on instagram @comedianshawnharrris #Tagsforlikes #instadaily #comedygrind : I failed the first quarter of a class in middle school, so I made a fake report … “I was working in criminal law and had a case where a man had set up cameras to watch women go to the bathroom,” he tells Reader’s Digest, “and oh, by the way, what he really liked was to watch them making… Number 2.” The D.A. Family law attorney, Russell Knight, still chuckles over this story of a woman who wanted help in proving who was the father of her child. Sanford’s partner at BMS, Lisa J. Jonathan Rosenfeld, founder of Rosenfeld Injury Lawyers, tells Reader’s Digest, “I get a ridiculous amount of correspondence from people wanting to sue their exes for allegedly giving them STDs.” Oh? So I took the spot the dumpster should have taken.”. 1 The US judge who jailed a man for yawning in court. Andy Simmons Updated: Apr. He knew that such kits usually come back under temp, so he had it suspended in a half cup of coffee until he finally took it out and strapped it to his leg before entering the courtroom. “My client had stuck a joint in my up-do,” she realized. !Keep up with Just Laugh!! Sep 15, 2019 - Explore Sue Rhodes's board "Courtroom Humor" on Pinterest. Justice Goldberg keeps up the hilarity right until the very end, even as he breaks the bad news to the farmers: they’re still in big trouble. Even asking if I can read it doesn’t get me any other response than her pointing at the letter. Another man accused of speeding seemed really, well, anxious, as he stood before Judge Caprio. And this signature is definitely not your own blood. Beware of Killer Whales. Judge: “Well, according to your test kit, you’re running a very high fever, and you tested positive for MDMA and methamphetamines.”. Another man stood before Judge Caprio defending himself for having parked in a handicapped spot, despite not having a sticker or a visible handicap. I try to say as clearly as I can that I have given her every document she could possibly get from us, and I can do nothing else. I can see the letter she’s given me is from an insurance company, but she is unable to answer any of my questions so I don’t know how I can help her. Law student, former professors story: Defendant busted for possession of narcotics, they were in the pocket of his leather jacket. The problem, however, wasn’t that she couldn’t locate the father. As I … On the way to the jail, I turn to him. !Please Subscribe for more funny videos! What is even weirder are the results. Attorney David Reischer, founder of LegalAdvice.com once had a client who was not into wearing business clothing. In the “Only in Rhode Island,” category, Caprio tells Reader’s Digest that everyone knows everyone in the tiny New England state, and sometimes it gets super awkward. He argues the search was illegal because with his buttery smooth leather jacket, there's no way the officer would have felt the drugs in his pocket during a pat down, so he shouldn't have reached in the pocket to find the drugs in the first place. For example, here’s how Justice Goldberg (a federal appeals court judge in Texas) began his 1986 opinion in the case of United States v. Batson: Some farmers from Gaines had a plan. Juror, dismissed. The client obliged…he showed up the next day wearing a huge clown tie! These people often produce documents which they claim trump statute law. Even of an old, sweet lady many would be happy to call grandma. I work in a courthouse, so when I served jury duty, I knew most of the staff. . Personal injury attorney Byron Browne tells Reader’s Digest of a woman who’d been injured in an accident and claimed she could no longer perform at work. I still maintain that he would have made one h*** of a racecar driver. While it may be true that there were some activities she could no longer perform, a private investigator unearthed a treasure trove of professional adult films the woman had shot since the accident, proving there’s performing, and then there’s performing, and this woman was performing just fine, apparently. funny court reports, funny court stories, funny trials, hilarious cases, hilarious court reports, hilarious court stories, hilarious trials; Follow. This is a true story and was the First Place winner in the recent Criminal Lawyers Award Contest. Motion denied.”. The temperature of the fluid is not body temperature, at least not a normal one. “So why not park legally this time?” the judge asked. On his first day of the trial, he is in court most of the day, coming into work in the late afternoon for a few hours. See more bank jokes, bungled robberies and funny money stories: $ Home $ Bungled burglaries $ Stupid criminals $ Funny bank robberies $ Stupid lawyer jokes $ Funny crime stories $ Police humour $ Funny lawyer jokes $ Great swindles $ Funny money $ Credit crunch jokes $ Ways of making money $ Funny identity theft $ Funny court transcripts I am the court bailiff, clerk, reporter, and probation officer. I am working as a court clerk in civil cases. On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things. We recommend our users to update the browser. She even looked in her own purse to see if her client had used her as a “mule.” No dice… until Margolin got home and took down her hair. So Frekhtman called in an actuarial expert. No translator, nothing. Southern Law Joke. The only other thing I can do is just give her a copy — which has no “value” or use at all, short of reading what’s on it — and besides, she would have already gotten a copy by letter when the verdict came out, so I cannot imagine it’ll help. At this point, I’m lost. In a trial in the heart of the South, a prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly woman he had known since childhood, to … One day, a little old lady shuffles into our office, and when I ask what I can help her with, she pushes forward an envelope and says, “Letter.” She has an obvious accent, but that’s nothing new, and usually, I can work around the fact that people might not speak Dutch very well. “I always tell them it’s difficult to prove they contracted it from a specific person, and their response is almost inevitably to send me a photo of the affected area.” As if that would establish the connection!? Enjoy the BEST stories, advice & jokes! Donna Kristine (author) from Atlanta, GA on March 08, 2017: Hi Olivia, glad you enjoyed the laughs. “I was defending a criminal client on a drug charge,” she tells Reader’s Digest, “and I smelled pot in the courtroom.” Weirded out, she kept looking around trying to determine where it was coming from. a verdict wherein the judge says that their insurance does have to pay them, which they can then use to take steps to receive this payment. But there’s no such thing; it’s about something completely unrelated. In August last year an American advertising executive is sued her boss for £3.9million … Lauren Cahn is a New York-based writer whose work has appeared regularly on Reader's Digest, The Huffington Post, and a variety of other publications since 2008. He isn’t a bad looking kid, and he didn’t have a bad upbringing, so I say something he isn’t expecting. My other colleague is full of questions, but of course, he won’t answer them because he isn’t supposed to discuss the case. Lawyer: “The defendant would like to present a signed affidavit.”. One of the other jurors had been shopping in town that evening, saw the defendant, and in spite of being told not to discuss the case, decided to discuss the case with him, in full view of everyone in the shop! He called himself “John Doe,” making it impossible for Sanford to call back. These funny lines are real - Source Below! Because he wanted to know exactly when he would die and how… as if the expert were a psychic and not an actuary. Dumb and Funny Things Said In Court: The Scotland Chronicles FECUND LIAR. “After an extreme close-up review of the record and excellent authorities, the court … In response, Judge Aquilina offered a veritable Solomon-esque solution: “Bedazzle that thing to match your outfits. Throughout the week, he falls into the same routine: court in the morning and work in the afternoon. Find out the 38 dumbest criminals of all time. That shouldn’t be a problem, Funk thought, but still had to ask if the long-ago job would in any way impact her ability to be impartial with Funk representing the firm. There is a pause. Unfortunately for him, my mother does her research. But it soon becomes very clear she only knows this one word: “Letter.”. We can’t charge a person for testing positive for marijuana, except if it’s one of the terms of their probation with the court. Turned out, the child was the result of a one-night stand. Once he has filled the cup to the indicated line: Me: “You can finish up, and then wash your hands and meet me in the courtroom.”. She covers life and style, popular culture, law, religion, health, fitness, yoga, entertaining and entertainment. She had to, hm? My mother is a prosecutor working for the UK Crime & Prosecution service. “This one guy thought the Department of Corrections was trying to turn him into a cyborg. .. These hilarious real life exchanges recorded by court reporters are from a book called Disorder in the Court: Great Fractured Moments in Courtroom History. For example, a man charged with speeding actually told Judge Caprio that he didn’t realize he was speeding because he was wearing a stiff, new pair of shoes and couldn’t feel how hard he was pressing on the gas. I also create about 90% of the forms we use. “Actually, yes,” the man replied. This one time, an elderly woman raised her hand and volunteered she’d worked there as a secretary, albeit decades ago.”. Questions asked in a courtroom can be very revealing... especially in the South. If you don’t laugh at these lawyer jokes, you might be held in contempt! These are from a book called "Disorder in the Court" and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exch ... share your story. Don’t miss the weird laws you probably break all the time. On this particular day, he knows he is going to be drug tested (by me), which includes me physically having to watch him pee into a cup, on the side of which is a thermometer strip. Our courthouse is in the middle of the city and is several storeys high. See more ideas about humor, lawyer jokes, lawyer humor. Long Tour of Duty. However, as far as the potential for awkward situations goes, going to the doc's can be comedy gold. On this particular occasion, the person on trial is a “Freeman-On-The-Land,” a person who claims that no English law save “common law” is valid. My patience has finally worn out, so I just say, “There is nothing I can do with that letter. The lawyer hands it to my mother, who gives it a look. Voir dire, the process of jury selection, isn’t always “funny,” but here’s an exception. Liked … Long Tour of Duty afford it hearing on a Bus who gives it a.... 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